Sunday, October 10, 2010

Does Love End?

Well, it can, but it doesn't always.
No doubt the original author of this question is referring to the love between two people. Not the love of a parent for a child, or vice versa. That is love which rarely ever ends. It is completely unconditional and can surmount any number of difficulties and problems.
But between two people love can behave in many ways. For some it is suddenly realised; for others it grows almost surreptitiously, creeping up gently on the unsuspecting - making them aware of feelings they never thought they had.
It is a remarkable experience to become aware suddenly that you love someone. Perhaps it is someone you have known for many years as a friend. Out of the blue, the love you feel for them can hit you right between the eyes.
Charles Dickens described this beautifully in the scene between David Copperfield and Agnes. They had been childhood friends, always close confidantes. Agnes had supported him through his marriage to Dora and after Dora's death. David had gone away to attempt to restart his life, but on returning, his eyes are suddenly opened, and he tells Agnes, 'I went away loving you, I stayed away loving you, I came back loving you.'
When love is young and new it carries an urgency which sweeps aside all possible problems and drawbacks. Everything and everyone is seen through rose-colored glasses, particularly the one we love. We are carried away and carried along by the sheer power of the emotion involved. Nothing, we think, could possibly happen to change the way I feel today.
But things do change. Lives can change. People can change. And as these changes take place cracks and strains can begin to appear in what had previously been thought of as the most solid structure imaginable - your love.
When this happens it is perfectly possible for the two people involved to work on the new situation, to solve the new problems, and to save the love they have for each other, although that love may become transmuted along the way into quite a different thing. Wonderful and worth striving for in its own way, but different.
However, sometimes, if nothing is done, the love ends. It just dies. It may die imperceptibly. What was love can become mutual tolerance and eventually mutual intolerance - and then the love is probably lost for good.
Of course, this is desperately sad whenever it happens, and it can take some time to get over the experience. But perhaps this is a more realistic approach to life. To love, to lose the love and then to find love again with someone else. Is this not preferable to continuing a situation of mutual tolerance at best, when love has gone and all the passion and desire remains just a vague memory?
Love does end, but not always, thank goodness.